Marqueshala, I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I felt completely hopeless the end of last year and had no where to turn. Please know you are not alone and that the pain DOES NOT LAST.

Last November, I thought I could no longer go on. For years i had seen multiple urgent care physicians, GYN, a rheumatologist, and a dermatologist all to no avail. I kept telling myself...tomorrow will be different, I cant give up yet! After being constantly dismissed by my previous doctors, I decided to try the hospital. I knew I had to advocate for myself and let go of my pride. I screamed and cried and begged for someone to help save my life and it was a NURSE PRACTITIONER that finally listened to me. She spent 2 hours examining every inch of my skin, taking swabs and biopsys, blood work, hormone panel, pap smear, went over my journal entries and pictures. She diagnosed me that day! While I waited for my labs to come back, she called me everyday to make sure I was okay. Turns out, in addition to the HS I also had staph infection in my skin and blood work was all messed up. She started me on a whole pharmacy of meds and by day two, the pain had decreased so much!

My point is...I know some days it feels impossible to keep going but don't give up! If your doctor spends only 5 to 10 minutes with you and doesn't care about your pain, drop them! Move on to the next and the next and the next until you find that one person who is full of empathy and will try everything to save your life. THEY EXIST!! Advocate for yourself! Stop being polite and quiet with doctors. Stop waiting until after the appointments to cry alone in your car. MAKE THEM FEEL YOUR PAIN or at least understand it!

In times of darkness, remember the people who you have to live for. Remember that by ending your own pain, you will be giving lifelong pain to them. There still can be beauty and pain-free days in this world, even if briefly, it's enough to keep going! Remember that tomorrow could be the day that they find a cure. Please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.

One last thing...I know it can be easy to isolate and feel shame but please let those close around you know what you are going through. You can not be expected to carry this burden alone and having someone who you can call or just sit next to you while you just cry is much better than suffering alone.